i met john mayer last night.

pictures later.

I wish there were phones in heaven so I could call my dad. :-/

i miss my dad a lot today.  i can hardly breathe.

my sister is in town.  she's nice. :)  andy should get out of the shower. i probably stink, it's hot.

stop and breathe.  it's the one thing i never got to do.  one day i'm telling my daddy how much i love him.  the next i'm getting a phone call with the worst news i've ever heard. 

there is no time to be sad.  there are moments.  you get moments to break down and then you have to pull yourself together and try to forget that you're standing in the same room with the person you love more than anything in this world, but it's not him.  it's what he left.  the head that i rubbed for good luck, and the belly i learned to punch on.  it was my dad, but it wasn't him.  he was not there.

there were moments that we had to make very difficult decisions.  decisions that no one my age should ever have to make, but someone needs to make them.  it was so hard to look at my siblings.  they're hurting like me- they've just lost dad too.

i kept checking my phone.  just in case he called and said that he was only kidding.  i wrote him a letter, i said everything that i needed to say- and it wasn't much.  i told him good bye daddy.  i told him about all the difficult decisions that we've had to make.  i told my best friend everything that i couldn't call and tell him.  no one could ever compare, i've never had a friend like him, and i never will again.  my best friend/dad is dead and i can't make things better right now.  there will never be a day that i will not miss him.  never.

Grey's Anatomy is my number one addiction.  Agh.. I wish I could have a new episode every day.

I'm living with Andy next year.  I'm so excited to sign our lease and to finally be able to come home to him after a long day at work/class.  At the same time, I am scared to death.  I know I love him, and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.. but what if living with him isn't the same?  I don't think it should change, I spend the majority of my time there with him anyway.  But it is a big step.. a huge one.

I'm going to go play online pictionary until my brain can't take it anymore.

Happy New Year!  A little late- but I mean it.

I'm doing jack shit with my life.  I'm not working.. because I'm lazy.  I'm not feeling up for classes this semister, so I'm not taking a full load.  But I have really thought about making a resume(instead of the one I made up for comp.) and sending it on over to wells fargo because I think they treat their employees much better than their customers.  <3

I have nothing to say.. la la la.  Because I am boring, and boring people have nothing to say besides the basics.. like how much time I spend with my boyfriend, or how I wish I went out with my friends more, but at the same time I don't, because I'm happy doing whatever I'm doing now.. but I would like them to come to Ames and spend time with me there so that way I could have it all.  Or my shrink thinks I'm completley logical when I say that I plan on getting married soon- then making babies- so there should be no reason for me to spend lots of money on college when I'll be at home raising the kids anyway.. ha.  And I pay him to tell me whats going on in my little brain.  I write Andy's papers.. and now my brother's papers.  I do plenty of college work.. damnit.

I got a bunch of new goodies for christmas/mybirthday.  Can you believe it.. ?  One year older.  I went out with Elliot a few days later  to celebrate and he got me a "blow job."   I tried my best, and I managed to get it all in my mouth, but then I tried to swallow and it all came out of my nose.  I'm hot.  My room is freezing though.

Oh yeah, I saw a car accident tonight.  I stopped to help out, and the guy who got hit ended just driving away.  I wanted to call the law, but I did not.  I just hopped back in my suzuki esteem and rolled on home.

Toodles!

let me know when you give a fuck again.

i love sunny days on my boat.. especially when denisa and i dance on top of it rkelly style and people give us really strange looks.

word.

pomp and circumstance=best song ever.

my puppy named archie tried to murder bunnies in my back yard.
so i called sally really quick and said HEY COME OVER A BUNNY IS ABOUT TO DIE.
and then sally came over.
in the mean time i called my mom and asked her what to do.
she didn't know.
good thing sally knows everything. because she came over and said.. "yes dani, this REALLY IS A BUNNY."
then we called 911 and turned my dog in for murder.(oh okay, not really.. but we did call the vet just to see what we should do.)
we eventually just googled what to do when your cute little puppy finds baby bunnies in your back yard.
and we saved six bunnies and burried the other one in a private section of my yard better known as the former garden but it's not a garden anymore because i'm lazy and there are no other bitches around to just do it.

and that's exactly what happened.

i'm soooooo tired.

denisa and i looked at the clouds and ate ice cream tonight.
we found lots of different things in the sky like a hot dog and a flamingo.
then it rained, and we cooled off.
the end.

I am taking the girls I nanny for to the zoo this week.. I'm probably more excited than them.
Anyway, if you want to come, you really should let me know.. I'll buy you a slice of pizza or something.
I feel like a little kid in a candy shop.

i just got my dad a date with my friend's mom. haha, how funny.

im boredddddddddddddddd<3

so today i decided it was time for my puppy and i to watch lifetime. so i go out back to let him in from going poop when i discovered that he was missing. jobie and i decided to go look for him.. but he was driving me crazy with how fast he wanted to go. so i took him home and sara came to look for him with me. we got gas and then drove around some more. i called the police and they said they couldn't tell me anything about my puppy and i'd have to wait until tomorrow morning.
that's forever. so we drove around some more and we found the animal control truck. the lady gave me a very mean look.. and i thanked the girl who had found him a million times. so from now on archie is wearing his name tag everywhere he goes.. like it or not.
and he's getting fixed next week.

just a few things..

1) i took my tongue ring out. it's healing up damn fast. i'm suprised because i had it for five years and i know that the mouth heals fast or whatever, but for some reason i was still kinda bummed when i woke up this morning and it was all closing up on me.. it just doesn't seem fair.. even though that's what i wanted.

2) my dad really likes to share his money with me. no wonder it's taking me so damn long to get a job.

3) i did go application hunting the other day though.

4) my puppy is hanging out on my lap. he's really warm.

5) that's all.

so yesterday, i was driving home from ryan's. and i was passing through iowa cityish. and i almost died.
it was raining really.. a lot. and i couldn't see. and so i pulled over. then huge hail hit my car. and i was scared. and i turned on the radio and found a station to hear about this damn weather.. and they told me that there was a tornado right by me.
so i just hung out.. in my car.. with my new friends in front and behind me who were also pulled over. i sat around and talked on the phone with my boyfriend.
and then it stopped and then i drove home.


sally and i are going to the mall and to the beach today i think, i hope.

i havent really been able to breathe today. i've just felt like it's been through a straw. so i called my doctor and said yo.. im coming in. and she goes aaight. kinda.. not really in those terms though. so now i'm just waiting until three so i can go in and have her save my life before i have brain damage from a lack of oxygen.

stupid allergies. go away.

im going to visit my boy tomorrow.. and i'm staying with him for a few days. which is fun. and exciting. things are fixed.. i just told him what upset me and things seemed a lot better right off the bat instead of just pretending that nothing mattered in the first place.

that lonely feeling.
who are they calling, what are they doing.. why did he tell me he'd call two days in a row and not do it either. why am i being so damn faithful, then he can't even keep his word and make a phone call.
i sleep with my phone next to my ear just in case he calls.. i wait by it.
why am i working so hard on being this amazing girlfriend who wants to be with him.. when he can lie to me and tell me he's going to call two nights in a row..
when he's actually out partying.
fuck.
i dont want to say anything, just incase i'm acting on emotions. but damnit. fuck.

i'm a pushover and i have a really hard time saying no. i'm too nice, and i feel like a bitch for things that really do not matter.